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[25 Jun 2006|10:03am] |
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And... I've graduated! What to do with my life next is the fun part. I haven't posted here in a while mostly because I'm hideously embarassed about the stuff I used to post when I was younger. I guess that's how journals should make you feel, like you're advancing in some way.
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[20 Jun 2005|12:18am] |
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Guess I should update this thing... well spring quarter is over now and this year was really successful and productive. Learned a lot of life lessons, met a lot of good people, fixed problems that needed addressing, etc. I guess I'm no longer going to be in a sorority because they are either going to throw me out depending on if I get published or I'm going to deactivate. I can also try going inactive for fall quarter maybe. I think I've decided to just finish up school next year. This summer going to take a few summer school classes and start prepping for the LSAT. I've been in the process of moving into my apartment which should be fun. I've been more stressed in the past week about moving than I was about finals. Too much stuff has gone on for me to really talk about. I feel really cloudy right now. I managed to say absolutely nothing with this post...
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[29 Apr 2005|02:13pm] |
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Nothing is a sure thing...
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[18 Apr 2005|09:59am] |
Friday night was the midnight fashion show that I ended up modeling in. I can do it every friday night if I so choose. I'll probably do it most friday's because it seems like good experience and who doesn't like free clothes? I can't believe it's third week already... i have a lot of school work to do. I need to email/call the people I'm going to tutor. However, what's really occupying my mind are the events of tomorrow and saturday morning. I guess tomorrow I'll just try to have a good time with it, while Saturday is a little bit more scary to me.
I feel a lot better about something that happened a while ago because of Juliette. After I told her this long involved story, she wanted to cry and only felt pity. I agree. It's just sad.
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[14 Apr 2005|06:43pm] |
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Just because I'm wearing seran wrap over underwear does not mean it is ok for random men to slap my ass, thanks. I started my internship yesterday and it's pretty cool. I'm excited and nervous about what I'll be learning and doing. Yesterday I read a script and answered the phone. I guess I'll be continuing to read scripts and soon get to know the clients and sit in on meetings and such. I'm just a little nervous about being a goober in front of writers, producers, and directors. I kind of feel obligated to see the guy I met on Monday again after what happened. I don't know how I feel about the whole situation. The next week and a couple of days is going to be kind of hectic in terms of just class, reading, and all of the things I have planned coming up. This is definitely the busiest I've been since I started going to college. There aren't enough hours in the day.
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[12 Apr 2005|11:46pm] |
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Last night was SO uncharacteristic of me... I went to KD's crush party and it was a very fun/interesting night. I'm not really like that at all. I hope I don't turn into one of those people I don't like. Last night started off kind of weird when Juliette and I got out of Shannon's car and we were dressed in underwear and seran wrap while all the people on the corner (where we were supposed to get pick up) were fully clothed. We got nervous that we were the only ones who dressed in the theme and therefore pretty much the only naked people. The theme was "Everything but clothes." The people on the corner were a different sorority and party and luckily more scantily clad people showed up so we weren't the only girls wearing nothing on frat row. I guess I'll just say that I was a nightmare... and had an interesting morning/day today.
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[08 Apr 2005|07:59pm] |
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What's with me going out and actually doing college things? Walked to ATO, then to Maloney's last night. I feel like bars are overrated. Nadra and I went to Habibis because we hadn't been in forever. I'm extremely excited because after wandering around for hours, we found the apartment we're going to be living in. I move in in June. Tomorrow i'm going to attempt to get into Spider. Damn fake ID... I hope you pass for real again. Tonight I'm going to try to go to a fashion show two of my sisters are in. It's at midnight near my home home. It's only first week and I've been busy every night. I think I'm going to email my boss and tell him i can only tutor one classe this quarter because classes, a job, sorority, and an internship is too difficult timewise. I should probably do that tonight...
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[07 Apr 2005|10:28am] |
Last night a group of us went to the bar at the Standard in downtown for Shannon L's b-day. I almost didn't get in because it's 21 and over and they were blacklighting ID's. Two of us were under 21, but the other girl had someone's passport and my fake ID only scans. So... I went back to the car to grab my real ID and hope that he didn't notice that I don't actually turn 21 until
October. I put both Id's in both pockets and when I ame back up to the line to get in, the blacklights were away for some reason and instead of security checking, the guest list woman did. She took my ID and went to check the guestlist with it.
Shannon had waited outside with me (the rest were waiting on the inside). I see the woman checking the guestlist with my ID, she's all official about it, comes back, and says "they left your name," gives me a bracelet and let's me go in. HAHA. Shannon thinks it was the corset that helped get my in... whatever works. Anyway, I guess Wednesday isn't really a popular night for young people to go out so it was kinda of a strange crowd. Upscale crowd at times, but not that youthful, random mix. Met a pretty cool non sleazy USC grad and ex football player there, which was a nice change from all the other people gawking at us. When Morgan was talking to security they guy asked us where we were from. When she told him UCLA... he said he didn't think we were from around here. She asked why.. and he said we stuck out in this crowd and that everyone knows we're there. That was kind of obvious from the beginning. We were getting stared at. Oh well. We came back to UCLA and got someome to swipe us in to Puzzles. There was really no one out! I mean, it's 1st week, around 1 o'clock and there was only a handful of people eating.
I saw someone last night when I was driving that I was hoping never to see again, but he didn't see me (always a plus). Juliette made me send an email to someone that I really wanted to, but was hideously embarrassed to contact. He actually responded... That should be an interesting story soon. Oh, and on the way back to my room last night (in the house)I fell harder than I've fallen in any recent memory that I have. I could have been completelu seriously injured, if I was an old woman I would have broken something, but I don't even think I'm going to bruise. Lucky.
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[01 Apr 2005|12:23am] |
Tomorrow we're putting new carpet in my house which means that everything in my entire room needs to be moved outside of my room. So... everything that needed to be is pretty much moved. I found so much stuff I that I had forgotten about and so many pictures I had stored in random places. It's hard to look at the past. I found a lot of high school pictures. My how things have changed... I can't believe some of the stuff I wore, my hair, my makeup, or anything of the sort. Some of it made me laugh and some cringe. I have SOOOO many things to give away to Goodwill. Just so much useless junk around. I really can't take any more trips down memory lane. It feels like a lot of things recently have been forcing me to reflect on what is different. I guess introspection is a necessary, yet not always pleasant part of growing.
One by one remnants of my former self are removed or gone...
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[26 Mar 2005|11:54pm] |
Talking about underwear with my family in the car cause my dad needed to go shopping:
Mom: What are those underwear called, the tight shorts?
Dad: I don't know.. umm..
::some discussion::
Me: Boxer briefs
Dad: Yeah, boxer briefs
Me: ::slightly exasperated:: I know more about men's underwear than you do!
Jordan: that says a lot about you...
SPRING BREAK!!!! The Ring 2 made me scream... but at least I didn't insist on leaving or borrowing someone's headphones ::cough:: Shannon ::cough::
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[23 Mar 2005|10:50am] |
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One more down, last one to go. Today's final went really well despite the lousy morning start. Getting up for an 8 am final is never easy. Turned in my housing forms and hoping that I'm granted live out status. Another room meeting when we get back from Spring Break. Something to look forward to... 1st day back and we will all have to talk about our problems. I think they should all just give us boxing gloves and let us beat the hell out of each other. Monique and I used to joke that we should wrestle.. its true. Sometimes you just have to hurt the people you love or used to love so you can love them again. I don't know if that makes sense. It's WAAAY too early for me right now to have been up and taken a final.
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| The first year |
[20 Mar 2005|11:53pm] |
I am oh so jealous... I was helping my brother decide which dorms to live in at USC next year. College is supposed to be so exciting and new. He's doing it the right way.. going to live in the dorms in a double and going in without anyone holding him back or any type of obligations but to find himself. ::sigh:: if only I could do it over again. I've been in denial over some decisions I'd made in the past. It just makes me see that i made a HUGE mistake that has affected the way I view my college experience. I've been in a mad dash to leave college because of what happened my first year here... I used a boyfriend as a crutch, a safety net so I wouldn't have the discomfort of the unknown. I isolated and separated myself from people intentionally because at that point my life was "figured out." Damn. If I could do it over again I would have lived in the dorms and not had a boyfriend. I would have done it right, done it alone, and put myself out there. I feel like this year has been better, yet still a variation on the first year. It's definitely been an improvement, but I had Matt and the sorority for safety. Not that I want complete insecurity, but both where I lived last year, as well as the sorority are small, confining areas. There are a whole bunch of rules and regulations and other people's feelings to consider constantly. It's hard to move in an 8 girl room without someone finding something offensive in some way. It was hard to live with two anal people last year. Actually, recently I've made more of an effort to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, but next year I know will be nothing like this year. Even though next year will be a completely different lifestyle and arguably "more adult" I definitely missed out on that "first year" experience... and sadly, I'll never have it. I'd considered moving back to the dorms this year, and who knows... it could happen, but if it doesn't this year, I feel too old. I don't relate anymore.
I would find it strange to be older and in the dorms. I don't understand how people 21 and over would deal with it or are even able to hang out there. I met a guy who is 24 and lives in Hitch. He wonders why his roommate annoys him. Here's a huge hint: you guys are in different places in your lives and don't relate. This guy was in community college for 4/ 5 years because of (insert life story here). This guy actually had a good excuse for not finishing school earlier, while some people (not mentioning any names) are just lazy. It just makes sense that they wouldn't really get along. This guy is a real adult and a neat freak and can't relate to a 20 year old stoner. I'm sure there are some older 20 something transfers that are immature as hell that relate to people younger than them due to a lack of maturity, a fear of growing up, and not knowing what to do (I know a few), but mostly the age gap is a problem.
I'm already an upperclassman and the next first year experience I get will be in law school as a 1L. When I was younger I used to know everything and as I get older I seem to know less and less. I guess I'll be living vicariously through my brother.
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[17 Mar 2005|06:01pm] |
Ooh.. an update. I bet if i got through my posts from the past few months there would be a repeating pattern: I post when a. I'm at a high high b. I'm at a low low c. I'm avoiding studying for my midterms/finals/ writing a paper. Today, it's choice c. I have a final paper due tomorrow which I wrote yesterday, but it's a little too long. one page too long to be exact. That's kind of frustrating cause I wrote 11 pages of material and there's around 3 paragraphs in the way of making it perfect length. I have my Roman history final tomorrow and I've been putting off studying. The choice of questions we have are pretty rediculous. I calculated that I can get a D on tomorrow's exam and come out with a B or so. I don't plan on doing that poorly, but we'll see what happens. It just comforts me to expect the worst sometimes. I have two exams next week that I will begin to concern myself with starting tomorrow night (after I throw away my Roman and Spanish history notes/books). I'm really not a fan of ancient history. I can't help it. I don't relate to it. It makes me want to go on a murderous rampage...
I don't know when I became so obsessed with not being fat. Was I always this way?
I have an incentive now to work my butt off, literally. I have around a month to get to where I want to be. I'm really excited and nervous. Don't know if I have the guts to follow through with it. I made an appointment, now we'll see how I do. It's kind of a surprise. I don't want to tell anyone I'm doing it until it's done and when it's done, we'll see if it goes anywhere.
Apparently today is St. Patricks Day. I missed out on it last year, and now this year because of tests. I'm not Irish anyway.
Tonight while I curse finals and UCLA, I will be rooting for the men's basketball team. Beat Texas Tech!
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[08 Mar 2005|12:38pm] |
You Are Stevo!
Which SLC Punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Lots of random drama going down, guess it's kind of pointless to talk about.
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| Felt like updating... |
[04 Mar 2005|09:59pm] |
I actually went to the gym this week. I've run into most of the guys that I've met on this campus there. Tuesday was our Shamrock Project football tournament which went well. Wednesday I went to the Mad TV comedy show they had in Ackerman. It was surprisingly funny because stand ups aren't always good. Thursday night was the basketball game! ::sigh:: The last basketball game of the regular season is tomorrow. Basketball season is the highlight of UCLA sports for me so I'm sad it's ending. I've haven't been sleeping in my room much this week because my roommates are annoying as hell at night. Apparently 3 am is the time to start screaming about "beasts" and to "simmer down now." I've been sleeping in a double room pretty much because one of the girls in the house is always sleeping at her guy friend's place. Sometimes it's best to just remain friends with someone and NOT live with them. I think some of my friendships would be better off at the moment if we weren't living together in such a confined space. Tomorrow I might go apartment hunting with my soon to be roommate. One person I can handle, six is a lot more difficult. The sorority house is getting redone for next year which means goodbye pink walls and green carpet. Too bad I won't be living here to enjoy it.
School owns my life for the next few weeks. I get to pick the rest of my classes tomorrow at 6 am. I did well on all of my midterms and now it's time to deal with finals. I have an in-class presentation the beginning of 10th week (8th week just ended) and then two finals the end of 10th week. After 10th week, my other two finals probably won't be as stressful. My two least favorite classes have to be done first and at the same time (at least it will be over with sooner).
Why is it that when you don't want to see someone you see them everywhere? After I had decided to really never speak to Matt again he decides to show up to the philanthropy on Tuesday. It was one of themost awkward exchanged of words ever. Here's what happened:
Me:(standing my the food, looking away watching the game, aware of his presence yet not acknowledging)
Him:(walks up to the food)"Hi" (not enthusiastically)
Me: (looks directly at him) "Hi" (starts to look away)
Him: (walks away)
The end...
Then I see him at the comedy thing on Wednesday (he didn't see me I don't think), and just all the time... My friends from the house saw him at Dance Marathon and some other thing last night. He like tried to talk and dance with them. Here's an idea: don't talk to my friends. It's just weird. He wasn't even their friend. I would understand if he knew them well, but he doesn't. I'm glad we never bought those tickets to Europe. When I was going to go to Europe for Spring Break he wanted to go. We were going to by the tickets in the fall and I remember saying/ thinking "what if we aren't friends anymore by that time" (at that time it seemed highly unlikely we wouldn't be close) but then it came true. He said " Why wouldn't we be friends?" I said "I don't know." However, now I know why...
Oh yeah, I didn't end up going to Dance Marathon. I was going to go to Casino Night and ended up outside Covel. I saw you had to live there and didn't know that you could pay 5 bucks and get in anyway, so... I called Ben and went to visit him in Saxon. I met his roommate/ suitemates who were really cool too. I really should make an effort to hang out with them more and the friends I have who don't live in the house.
I'm going to be driving a golf cart in some celebrity golf tournament in May. I've never driven one before... maybe I should try doing it somewhere before celebrities and rich people ride with me.
Dirty hippies are NOT ok!
MUST READ TILL I DROP DEAD!
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[24 Feb 2005|10:28pm] |
UCLA basketball just dominated USC 90 to 69. It was an awesome game. Kind of surprising that no USC fans really showed up. I'm pretty sure I was on tv on Fox Sports West or whatever after the game.
FINALLY DONE WITH MIDTERMS! It only took 7 weeks, but they're over. I have a paper due next week an I already need to think about finals. I was sickduring midterms, don't need to be sick during finals.
This Saturday is Dance Marathon and I might be a moraler. I also want to go to that Casino Night in the dorms.
On Monday I went to the Improv to see a family friend do his stand up routine. There were some REALLY funny comics there. It's sad that most women comics suck.
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[22 Feb 2005|01:13am] |
Dear Matt,
You are a heinous beast of a human being. You are an asshole, a liar, and a delusional son of a bitch. I hope you rot for everything you've done and said. You have no more secrets. You are unfoundingly arrogant and vain. You are not intelligent. You can't grasp simple concepts.. and guess what? Your poems SUCK too! You are not deep nor profound. You have some sort of mental problem and you have no respect for women in general. I hope someone puts you in your place.
Dear Cole,
Thank you for everything.
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| Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll |
[20 Feb 2005|10:54pm] |
The title kind of sums it up.
Right now I'm in Temecula. Why? I guess cause I'm kind of foolish, wanted to leave L.A., didn't want to go home, was offered the chance, and I just did it. Friday I had my midterm and then I walked myself down to Hitch. Hung out with Matt, then Matt's friend from home came over and he hung out too. We had a good night, then the next day we hung out in Westwood until afternoon and Cole convinced Matt to go home for the weekend... so I went to. Today was kind of a lazy day. Met some people whose names I recognized but didn't have a face to.
I seem to be learning new information every day. I've also learned a lot about how relationships work, what works, what doesn't, and how to look at issues more objectively. Cole was having some kind of argument/ spat with his girlfriend over a silly miscommunication problem. Neither of them could see that it was immature, but from the outside it was easy. It reminded me of the type of thing that used to happen to me, except now I would know what to do in that situation. The mistakes made in the first relationship are highly invaluable. I'm not the same person (mentally or physically) I was in high school, a year ago, 8 months ago, 4 months, etc. I'm able to see these large differences in my personality, what I value, and really reflect. There's been a lot of change in a short period of time and maybe that's a big reason why I see what I see. It's always too bad that I didn't know then what I know all too well now. I don't get a second chance and I can't take my experiences for granted. I think I've just been overwhelmed by the amount of lessons learned recently.
I realize now that I was selfish too.
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[16 Feb 2005|03:38pm] |
Of course the only opportune time to catch an illness (if there is one) is during midterms week. Sometimes life just to decides to say, "Hey! Let's throw tons of adversity her way and see if she pulls through." Well, 2 down two more to go. I think the only bonus to this illness might be the eating less and thus losing some weight.
I just saw Matt's picture on that new Global studies major/ minor website. I don't know how I feel about it.
I really dislike Roman history. Really. I just don't care.
Somehow I managed to contract an illness I think my roommates have WITHOUT sleeping in the room. I'm not sure how I did it. For the past week, I have not slept in the house at night. I tend to go through spurts where I sleep in the suites/ dorm area. Happened last quarter too.
People ask me how my Valentine's Day was... well, first of all I don't think I ever celebrated the holiday cause I never considered it one (since it isn't). The last Valentine's Day I actually remember was from 2nd grade for some reason... that's the first and last one I recall. I guess it was successful in that I woke up next to someone I like, but then not so greatin that I had a midterm that I didn't think I would even be able to walk to and then I felt like I was dying for the rest of the day. Curse you illness! I spent most of Monday in bed.
Why do people insist on existing in places they don't belong? Jamming the square peg in the round hole doesn't make it fit any better. It makes sense to try once, or even if you can mold yourself to fit (quickly), but once you know you don't, why keep trying? There's a point when we should stop lying to ourselves and take a good look in the mirror.
I should get myself a personal assistant.
I need to start making some decisions soon that I've been procrastinating on.
What is going on for Spring Break? Originally it was going to be some type of European thing and now I'm feeling like I'll probably just need a break. I think I might want my actually want my break to be relaxing. I guess we'll see if anyone comes up with anything creative and I change my mind.
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